Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Conservative Perspective – Political Pornography

As I troll, surf and stalk what is happening in the news I often stumble upon such absurdity by so-called Conservatives that I do a check to ensure I have taken the correct medication for the day. In a clear-headed world such lewdness of logic could not be taking place. More often than not I ignore such offense to reason. When I have noted these mental burlesques they have been featured in a segment designated Derriere Orifice of the Week. This was indeed a special week!

* Senator John Ensign (R-NV) and Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC), advocates of family values, opponents of gay rights and pontificators of how others should conduct their lives, were exposed for extra-marital affairs. Perhaps these disgraced icons of the holier-than-thou movement should pay more attention to what their own sexual organs are doing. Republican sexual indiscretions have become so prevalent that has developed a Sex Scandal Flow Chart, where all roads must lead to hell. Truth be told, I would not care less what happens in the private lives of politicians if not for those instances where their hypocrisy is palpable. The sanctity of marriage begins with one’s own zipper remaining in the up position. And what does it say about Senate Republican leadership that during their regular Tuesday luncheon meeting, following Ensign’s mea culpa apology to them, they showered him with applause. Good job John, another notch on the chastity belt!

* Noted natural healer and airwaves polluter Rush Limbaugh offered an alibi for Sanford’s love tryst in Argentina. Limbaugh said, “Sanford flew out of the country to have an affair because ‘President Obama drove him over the edge’.” The background of “over the edge” involved Sanford opposing the acceptance of desperately needed money provided in the Stimulus Plan for South Carolina. Sanford lost this fierce battle with his state legislature as he desperately attempted to establish his conservative credentials for a presidential run in 2012. The Limbaugh Prescription: committing adultery is the homeopathic approach to dealing with stress. Whatever bothers you, just get laid and blame it on the President.

* Right-wing anti-tax activist Grover Norquist offered an interesting perspective on recent Republican adultery. Norquist said, “It does indicate that men who oppose federal spending at the local level are irresistible to women.” Oh to have had this knowledge when I was single. Who would have thought that approaching a woman in a cocktail lounge as a tight-assed, anal-retentive bible thumper with a Shirley Temple in hand would have her disrobing and fogging up my eyeglasses?

* One of Maryland’s most prominent Republican organizations, Republican Women of Anne Arundel County, issued a letter by the organization’s President, Joyce Thomann. Her letter began “Dear Friends” and went on to say, “Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common in my view. Obama and Hitler use the “blitzkrieg” method to overwhelm their enemies. FAST, CARPET BOMBING intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it AMERICA.” I do have issues with Ms. Thomann’s grammar but, more importantly, this is a good example of what happens when rain closes the country club golf course. Idle hands are the devil’s tools.

* Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is the poster child for Attention Deficit Disorder and the mindless meanderings of a mercury-tainted cerebral hemisphere. Her malapropisms and malcogitation (sic) are legendary and the congresswoman from Minnesota is a frequent flyer on the Derriere Orifice express. She has announced that she will break the law by not filling out her 2010 Census questionnaire. Her explanation included that the Census led to the internment of Japanese Americans in the 1940’s. This link attempts to analyze Bachmann’s irrationality and historical to hysterical errors. I suggest two aspirin one hour before reading. One wonders if the citizens of her district should be interned for electing her to congress. If one guessed that her public display of idiocy took place on FOX News you are exempt from completing your census form. And what does it say about your assertions when right-wing nut Glenn Beck thinks you have lost your census?

* Eight Supreme Court justices ruled that a school’s strip search of an Arizona 13 year old girl accused of having prescription-strength ibuprofen was illegal.” The eight justices range in philosophy from liberal to moderate to conservative. But there are nine SC justices and the ultra conservative and reactionary Justice Clarence Thomas offered a dissenting opinion. Thomas said, “the court was making a “deep intrusion” into the administration of public schools and their efforts to fight the scourge of drug abuse.” Yes, the eternal challenge for a democracy is finding that elusive balance between the common good and individual freedoms. Someone should explain to Justice Thomas that “No Child Left Behind” had nothing to do with students baring their behind by lowering their Calvin Klein underwear.

* Just when you thought that Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher’s career as spokesperson for the conservative mind was over he floats to the top of the septic tank. At a speaking engagement to Americans for Prosperity in Wisconsin “The Plunger” said more than once, referring to Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT), "Why hasn't he been strung up?" Ah, the voice of Conservatism – cogent, articulate and erudite while conveying the ideals and principles of American freedom and democracy. I expect that Joe’s next appearance will be in Anne Arundel, Maryland at the annual Spaetzle Cook Off.

* Let my people go – Republican Representatives John Culberson (TX), Peter Hoekstra (MI), and David Dreier (CA) all compared their minority status in congress to the plight of the Iranian protestors. With the exception of living in a democracy and not being shot at or bludgeoned for their views their analogy is spot on. I suggest that they will feel better if they take the advice of the leader of their Party, Rush Limbaugh, and just get laid.

* Recall Republicans going ballistic when President Obama said that one of the characteristics his Supreme Court nominee should possess is empathy. Some would say that Republican opposition stemmed from the fact that they do not understand the meaning of the word. Well, there is some evidence that at least one Republican can express empathy. Meet Missouri state representative Cynthia Davis. As chairwoman of the Missouri House Special Standing Committee on Children and Families she was critical of a government program that provides food during the summer for thousands of low-income Missouri children who rely on the school cafeteria for free or reduced-price meals during the regular school year. “A report by Feeding America found that one in five Missouri children currently lives with hunger.” Here is where the empathy thing comes in. Ms. Davis extolled the virtues of hunger because “hunger can be a positive motivator.” Rumor has it that Ms. Davis has been selected Woman of the Year by the Republican Women of Anne Arundel County.

* Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell (R) signed the US Senate vacancy bill which takes away the governor’s power to appoint someone to a vacant US Senate seat. Rell said, “this bill gives directly to the people of Connecticut the decision on who would fill a vacancy in the U.S. Senate… Since taking office as Governor, I have done everything in my power to make Connecticut a model for all states when it comes to openness, transparency and citizen participation in government." “Republican lawmakers had called the bill a "power grab" during lengthy debates in both the House and the Senate.” Lacking empathy and the concept of democracy, Republicans conclude that giving the citizens the right to elect their officials “is a power grab.”

Who then is sane? He who is not a fool.
Quintus Horatius Flaccus, aka, Horace (65 BC to 8 BC) Roman lyric poet


Little Steve said...

You are right, that people who believe in family values have the same desires and weaknesses as everyone else. But, having weaknesses doesn't mean you can't speak up for morality, just like being a recovering alcoholic who still falls off the wagon occasionally doesn't mean you can be an effective AA counselor.

Sue Katz said...

Man oh man oh man. I just don't know where to start. It's just one disturbing jewel after another, but my favorite sentence this week?

"Oh to have had this knowledge when I was single. Who would have thought that approaching a woman in a cocktail lounge as a tight-assed, anal-retentive bible thumper with a Shirley Temple in hand would have her disrobing and fogging up my eyeglasses? "