* Derriere Orifice of the Week - Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-AL) announced that he has compiled a secret list of 17 members of the House of Representatives who are SOCIALISTS. He would not reveal their names because, “they are a secret.” Responding to a Freedom of Information (FOI) request I admit that I also have compiled a secret list of members of Congress. It is made up of those legislators entitled to be called ASSHOLES. Through threat of waterboarding I have reluctantly agreed to admit that Mr. Bachus is on the list.

* Speaking of secrets – “The CIA no longer operates any secret overseas prisons, Director Leon Panetta said yesterday, and has not detained anyone since he became chief in February.” Under Bush the claim was made that the prisons or “black ops sites” as they were called, did not exist and even if they did exist the torture of detainees in these non-existent prisons did not take place. The apparent existential contradiction can be easily explained by, “Liar, liar, pants on fire.” It also makes a joke of any oversight Congress pretends to have over the spy agencies and the Executive branch of our government.

* Speaking of more secrets ~ The Hypocrite Oath - “Medical professionals working for the CIA played a central role in the "ill-treatment" of terror suspects in U.S. custody overseas, according to a previously confidential report by the International Committee of the Red Cross” (conducted in 2007). One may ask why a person trained and sworn to protect life would willingly participate in the torture of another human being. The Nazis were infamous for their medical experimentation on concentration camp prisoners and eventually answered for their despicable inhumanity at the Nuremberg trials. But here we are talking about Americans – the good guys in war movies, the standard for international behavior. We are accustomed to instances of having scumbag politicians, spies, businessmen, religious leaders, teachers, police and bloggers. Scumbag medical professionals assisting in torture breaks new ground in the demise of the American dream that has led to this American nightmare.

* No secret – To be a Republican politician requires having the common sense of overcooked white rice. Texas State Rep. Betty Brown (R) said that Asian-Americans should change their names because they’re too hard to pronounce. “Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” I have an idea! Asian Americans males should begin changing their names to George Bush 1, George Bush 2, George Bush 3 and so on. Females can be Betty Brown 1, Betty Brown 2 and so on. I cannot wait to pick up my Chinese takeout tonight and greet the young lady behind the counter with “Hello Betty Brown 324,119.” I intend to convince Ms. Brown 324,119 to change the name of Chow Mein to Texas Chile and Sumei Dumplings to Turd Blossoms.

* Feel better about yourself ~ you are worth more than you think – The company Innovative Research’s website says it provides the research community with quality biomedical products. I was stunned at the breadth and price of their products. For example, 50 ml of Human Saliva is priced at $275, Human Breast Milk $275, Human Semen $375 and Human Urine $75. This will certainly bring about a change in my behavior. No more will I sell a pint of my blood for a mere $25 and a jelly donut.

* The wrong defense – On FOX News last Sunday Brit Hume attempted to defend former president George W. Bush. Hume said that Bush did indeed believe in Global Warming. If that is the truth, how much more egregious is the Bush administration’s complete lack of action relative to Global Warming? It opposed higher gas mileage standards, did little to nothing to encourage green technology and ignored the Kyoto agreement of world powers to address warming. I had concluded that President Bush just did not get it – remember, science was involved. If Hume is correct, Bush is even more culpable than previously thought. We lost eight years in addressing potential disasters that may result from the warming of our planet - world-wide flooding and famine that could lead to world-wide war.

* The wrong war ~ a time to mourn – James Dobson is stepping down as leader of the religious right organization Focus on the Family. “Dobson conceded that evangelical conservatives had lost most of the recent so-called “culture war” battles… Humanly speaking, we can say that we have lost… the nation is now “absolutely awash in evil.”

On what is a rare occasion I agree with Mr. Dobson that the culture wars of the religious right are being lost and evil permeates our society. I would suggest, however, that the wrong battles were being fought and to some extent contributed to the greed that is at the core of our current economic travails. In an attempt to foist their “religious” agenda on our non-sectarian society the religious right forged an alliance with the Republican Party. In convincing their members to support Republicans, Dobson, Jerry Falwell and their brethren helped elect Republican legislators that were pro-business and anti-regulation, pro-deficit spending while reducing taxes for the wealthy. The Republican allies of the religious right, Bush and company, swept us into an unprovoked war leading to the loss of over 100,000 lives and the displacement of millions of Iraqis. Imagine if their broad influence had been directed to the business and political segments of our society to promote integrity, fairness, workers rights and protection of the environment. The religious right lost a generation of meaningful influence while being used as pawns by the GOP. It is indeed a sad eulogy.

* Love is a Many Splendored Thing – “A Saudi judge has refused for a second time to annul a marriage between an 8-year-old girl and a 47-year-old man.” Anyone in our culture would be appalled at this nuptial pedophilia. However, the judge was not as radical as it would appear on the surface. He granted that the child could apply for a divorce when she reaches puberty. And isn’t it almost always about money? “The girl's father, according to the attorney, arranged the marriage in order to settle his debts with the man, who is ‘a close friend’ of his.” On a social note, the wedding festivities will be held at Chucky Cheese and then the newlyweds will leave immediately for Disney World.

* On the lighter side ~ of heavy – All is “normal” in the land of Governor Sarah Palin. Her pick for Alaska Attorney General, Anthony Ross, is a racist, a writer of several manifestoes attacking Martin Luther King, Jr. as a communist subversive, a homophobe and anti-environmentalist. And to think that we almost had the opportunity to call her Madam Vice-President. The backlash to this nomination may result in Palin withdrawing the Ross nomination. As if Sarah did not have enough on her plate with the backbiting between her and former almost son-in-law Levi Johnston, her sister-in-law Diana Palin was arrested for twice burglarizing a house, during which she was accompanied by her 4-year old daughter. They will not be going to Disney World any time soon.

* Today is U.S. Tax Day – two views:

“I like to pay taxes. With them I buy civilization.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

“What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue.” Thomas Paine