Thursday, December 25, 2008

If I were Santa Claus I would have delivered the following stocking stuffers:

* A brain for Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee. While appearing on Face the Nation he said of the economic meltdown: "Unfortunately, it was allowed to be portrayed that this was a result of deregulation, when in fact it was a result of overregulation."

* A jar of jalapeƱo Vaseline for the SEC employees who watched porn rather than "protecting investors and maintaining fair, orderly, and efficient markets," as is their mission.

* A rasher of humility for Stephen Views the News to embrace reader comments such as, “You sir are masterfully demonstrating your own ignorance.”

* An imported deluxe kerosene heater for Wal-Mart’s heart. On Tuesday the company said it would pay between $352 million and $640 million to settle lawsuits across the country claiming that it forced employees to work off the clock.

* The 2009 Sarah Palin Calendar for John McCain, even though he is setting land speed records running from his former running mate.

* A shiny house-arrest ankle bracelet for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich for auctioning the senate seat vacated by Barack Obama.

* A bar of mouth soap and truck driver’s license for Mrs. Blagojevich for her picante comments recorded during a federal wiretap investigation of her husband the governor.

* A yuletide apology to truck drivers for associating them with the First Lady of Illinois.

* A basket of experience for Caroline Kennedy seeking to inherit Hillary Clinton’s senate seat in New York.

* A ride on Santa’s sleigh for the auto executives embarrassed into abandoning their private jets.

* A sleigh full of Pepcid for president-elect Barack Obama as he embarks on the journey of leading a country beset with a multitude of serious challenges.

* A duly elected Senator for the citizens of Minnesota and preferably not the candidate under federal investigation.

* A time-out for the Obama administration before deciding to commit tens of thousands of U.S. troops to Afghanistan. The complexity of that country’s politics and the corruption of its leadership demand extreme caution.

* Harvey the imaginary rabbit for Malia and Sasha Obama as they seek solitude from the harsh world of celebrity they will encounter over at least the next four years.

* Fifty billion days of homelessness on the streets of New York City for Bernard “Bernie” Madoff. He is one of the all-time goniffs (crooks) of the investment world. His soulless greed wreaked economic havoc and, in some cases destruction, on schools, charities, pension funds and so much more.

* A punch bowl of common sense for Madoff’s Ponzied investors who believed that Madoff was Santa Claus.

* A wake up call for the inhabitants of planet Earth to not be misled by low gasoline prices. Santa cannot reverse limited oil reserves or a debilitated environment that is ignored.

* A revised mission statement for the IRS whose audits of large companies declined for the third year in a row. Santa’s trust of business and government also declined for the third year in a row.

* A slightly used and toxic post-Katrina mobile home to transport departing Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff to a lucrative book signing deal. In America incompetence has its rewards.

* A mega-warehouse for the U.S. Department of the Navy to store $7.5 billion in UNNEEDED parts. One of the factors contributing to the unnecessary purchases was “inefficiency in the Navy's inventory management.” No surprise to Santa who understands “overstocked” with a North Pole laden with unsafe toys outsourced from Asia.

* Light-blocking window drapes for American banks accepting billions of dollars of bailout money sans accountability. Santa does not blame the banks – at least on this account. He does have queries for the little elves on Ritalin running the Bush administration and running around the halls of Congress.

* A cruise on the Titanic for the American Enterprise Institute (AEI). This conservative “think” tank spawned much of the neocon nonsense and “free” market malarkey that dominated Bush administration strategy.

* A set of barbells to put more muscle into credit card reform regulations scheduled to go into effect in 2010.

* A chapel for the gay citizens that Pastor Rick Warren suddenly “loves” but is not likely to welcome to his church.

* Public financing of elections legislation to improve an electoral process that has become the antithesis of democratic principles.

* A frontal lobotomy for Rush Limbaugh for positing his conspiracy theory that the economic crisis was created by Democrats to generate a financial panic and ensure the election of Obama.

* Thorazine prescriptions for Bill O’Reilly and Karl Rove. They have suggested the conspiracy theory that journalists deliberately manufactured the financial crisis so that Obama would be elected.

* A lump of coal for the energy interests spending millions of dollars to convince the American public that there is such a thing as “clean coal.” Perhaps they can donate some of this money to residents in Tennessee to recover from the flood of sludge that broke through a dike at TVA's Kingston coal-fired plant Monday. This could prove to be an environmental disaster of very significant proportions. Al Gore’s Alliance for Climate Protection and the “Reality” coalition have a new ad about the myth of “clean coal.”

* For those that can, websites to help those in need:
~ Feeding America is a network of over 200 food banks covering all 50 states.
~ Operation USO Care Package provides care packages of needed and requested items for our troops overseas
These websites are noted in Michelle Obama’s Holiday Greetings.

* Peace, goodwill and wisdom for a world on multiple brinks.

* 2009 hugs and best wishes for the New Year to readers of Stephen Views the News.

* “I don't make jokes... I just watch the government and report the facts.”
Will Rogers (1879 – 1935) Cherokee-American cowboy, comedian, humorist, social commentator, vaudeville performer and actor.


Sue Katz said...

I've got two more suggestions for your Santa, Stephen. One, that he remind Obama that 46% of working Americans are women - and that they are not working, as a rule, in construction and engineering; so it would make a great deal of sense to put as many resources into education and healthcare systems as roads and bridges.

And the second suggestion is that Santa do whatever it will take to keep Stephen Views the News coming!
In admiration,

Anonymous said...

Did you check your Hanukkah stocking this morning, Stephen? Scott & I are teleporting a box of Godiva chocolates as our humble rasher for your extraordinary contributions to truth, justice & the American way.

Warm regards from Willow Grove,